Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
