He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
