as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
