So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
