Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
