Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
