Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
