i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
