is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
