forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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