dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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