...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
