ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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