Having a random hookup so left but love u
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
