somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
