She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
