I'm going to jail i love you
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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