I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
