I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
