I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
