I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
