how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
