you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
