god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
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She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
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Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize