When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
