The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
