I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
