dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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