I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I have fence marks all over my body
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
