so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
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I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
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You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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