put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
