My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
