so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
