your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
