my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
