is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
