Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
