It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
