I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
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