Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I don't think brook has ever known best
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
