I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
