he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
