dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
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Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
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Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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