Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
