Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize