no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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