Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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