he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
