FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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