Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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