It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
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i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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