she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
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She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
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Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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