Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
