I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
