It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Buhtt sex?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
