a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
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im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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