I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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