She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
