Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
