A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
