I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
