i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
