so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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