so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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