Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
