i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
