Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
