There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
